


Mono no aware

by Anonymous



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Heartbreak, Infidelity, Interviews, Light Angst, M/M, NHEV, No Happy Ending Fest, Poetry, Unhappy Ending, poem, singer sehun, writer junmyeon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:34:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29579646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: mono no aware (n.) lit “the pathos of things”, the awareness of the impermanence or transience of all things, and the gentle sadness and wistfulness at their passing.
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun
Comments: 12
Kudos: 13
Collections: No Happy Ending Fest - 2020





	Mono no aware

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt #:** R5-345  
>  **Prompt:** "You're my happy ending but I'm not yours"  
>  **Pairing/Main Character(s):** Sehun/Suho  
>  **Side Characters(if any):** Minseok, Jongdae, Kyungsoo, Jongin  
>  **Word Count:**  
>  6,000  
>  **Warning(s)/Additional Tag(s):** mentions of infidelity  
>  **Author's note:** First, I would like to congratulate the mods for another successful round, this fest is already one of my 'tradition fests'. You're doing great, Potato Sect! Second, I would like to thank my beta, T, you're the best! Lastly, I would like to say that this fic is very personal to me. It felt like writing this was telling my own story and letting everyone who read it see it. So, I hope you enjoy it.

===><===

Junmyeon was busy writing when he felt arms wrap around him. He drops his pen and enjoys the hug for a few seconds before turning around and looking at the love of his life straight in the eyes. God, Sehun was beautiful.

“Hey, baby…”, he muttered, staring at the face of his beloved. “Why are you here?”

“It’s dinner time, Jun, that’s why. You were caught up in writing again, let me see what you’ve done?”

Junmyeon nods in response as his boyfriend pick up the notebook and scan what he’s written with his eyes.

“The Future-”

“Ah, don’t read it out loud, Se.”

“Why? You write beautiful things, else they wouldn’t be bestsellers, so why shouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know, it feels weird hearing them out loud. And also, it's not finished yet…”

“Okay, okay, I’ll just read two stanzas?”, Sehun said, pouting.

Junmyeon had always been weak when it came to that pout so he gave in.

“Okay, okay, just get it over with.”

“The Future

Someday, you will be in another's arms,   
And I would be just another memory,   
You'd be halfway across the ocean,   
And you'd have already forgotten me. 

I will be staring out the window  
of my hotel room somewhere,   
Thinking about you, your eyes, your lips,   
And every moment we shared. 

And I bet, even then, I will still hear,   
that laughter of yours that I hold dear,   
I don't think it will ever escape my mind,   
how you said you'd never leave me behind.”

Sehun held his tears back and Junmyeon can see it.

“Are you okay, baby?”

“Oh, Jun, it was so beautiful, and yet it was so…sad. It’s not even finished yet, you said. Why do you write sad things when I’m here, Jun? Don’t I make you happy enough?” Sehun’s voice trembled a bit.

“Se, my love, when I write sad things, they are not because you don’t make me happy, it is for the future. The moment I fell in love with you, I stopped writing about the present because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and none of my words could ever describe that.”

“So, stop talking about me in the past tense. I’m here now, right? And isn’t that all that matters? I love you, Junmyeon.”

“I love you too, you silly baby. Plus, if I don’t write these sad things, how will I make a living then?” Junmyeon replied jokingly, trying to lighten up the mood a bit.

“Well, you could just sleep in my arms all day, you know?”

“I know, I know, now let’s see this dinner you made.”

“Well, about that…I kind of overcooked them…” Sehun said, a sheepish smile painted on his face, his left hand scratching the back of his head.

“You mean you burnt our dinner….”

“The word burnt is relative, you of all people should know that, I call it toasted, Jun.”

“OH SEHUN!!!!!”

And laughter filled the air as Sehun runs for his life, with Junmyeon chasing him around until they reach the kitchen.

“Fine, we’ll just order some takeout,” Junmyeon said, sighing. “What will I do with you?”

“You love me anyway,” Sehun said, wrapping his arms around Junmyeon again as he sat on the couch and started dialing the number of their favorite Chinese restaurant.

“That I do” Junmyeon replied and kissed Sehun’s cheeks.

===><===

The doorbell was ringing, Junmyeon only realized this after the third one. It happens sometimes when he is lost deep in thought. He rushed to the door and opened it, revealing a young man in corporate clothes.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Kim. Thank you for agreeing with my interview.”

Who was this man again? Junmyeon struggled for a few seconds before finally figuring it out.

“My pleasure, Mr. Do.”

“Kyungsoo is fine, Sir.”

“You can call me Junmyeon. Come in, we’ll talk in the living room. Would you care for a cup of coffee or tea?”

“Junmyeon, then, if that’s more comfortable with you. I’ll have some coffee, thanks. Would you mind if I have our interview recorded?”

“Will it be made public?”

“Ah, not without your permission, of course. I just like having things recorded so I don’t miss a thing.”

Junmyeon contemplated for a second before agreeing.

“Thanks, I’ll go set this up then,” Kyungsoo said, referring to his tripod and camera.

“Sure, get yourself comfortable, I’ll go get us coffee.”

When Junmyeon left to get coffee, Kyungsoo quickly set up his tools and took a good look at the living room, taking in that it almost looks like a gallery with all of the paintings on the walls. There was Van Gogh’s Starry Night right at the center, just above the fireplace. Kim Junmyeon indeed loves art, just like he has researched.

He just got seated when Junmyeon came out bringing a tray filled with cups and coffee.

“Sorry if this sounds rude, but what is this interview going to be about again? It slipped my mind.”

“No apologies needed, I am thankful enough that you said yes to this. It’s regarding your latest poetry book.”

“Ahhh, I see so how will this interview go? Please help yourself to a cup, I don’t know how you take your coffee so I just brought hot water and everything else you’ll need to make one yourself.”

“Thank you, Junmyeon. It will just be a few questions about specific poems in the book I was interested in and then some personal questions. You can always opt-out of answering if you don’t feel comfortable with them.”

Junmyeon let out a chuckle.

“Ah, a casual interview then? Why are you dressed so formally, Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo blushed a bit, embarrassed at the suit he was wearing but he only let himself do so for a second.

“Clothes maketh the man. Or so, I’ve heard. I wanted to give a good first impression. I hope I didn’t disturb you with anything though, I noticed you didn’t answer the door right away, I was almost afraid you were not inside.”

“Ahh, yes, it always happens when I’m writing, I lose focus on the world. My apologies for that.”

“Are you ready for the interview, I will start recording now so we can start.”

“Sure.”

Kyungsoo got up to focus the camera on Junmyeon and then pressed record.

“To formally start the interview, can I ask your name?”

Junmyeon brought out a bright smile.

“I’m Kim Junmyeon.”

“Junmyeon, would you mind telling us about how you started writing? Why poems and not novels?”

“I started writing since I was a young kid. However, I never really got into reading books since I was much older. When I was little, I was bullied a lot, I guess when you’re the nerdy kid, it tends to happen. Writing has been my escape since then. Whenever something bad happens, I turn to writing. It has become somewhat of a therapy to me. Why poems? I don’t know either, I just felt that it included fewer words and provide more impact. To me, it was the best way I could possibly express myself.”

“Your previous books have always been about sad things, the loss of a friend, grieving, family problems, losing a bond you thought you had but never really did, and more. Can we know why you always write about sad things?”

“Ah, yes, as I told you before when I started writing, it has always been when something bad happened to me. The same can be said about these, I only write when I’m sad, I can’t write when I’m happy. When I’m happy, as everyone else does, I am just living the moment. However, when I’m sad, the words form in my head for me to get out.”

“In regards with your books, all of your books have been bestsellers, however, this fifth book you released a month ago has been phenomenal and has broken all records worldwide, what can you say about that?”

“Ah, yes. I was not really expecting that, as this book has been in my drafts for years now. I just finally had the courage to release it a month ago, I guess it was time I let go is more like it. I am very thankful to my readers, for everyone who picked up my book and read it. As I always say, I hope that you were able to relate to it and realize that you are not alone in this world.”

“Your fifth book, Mono No Aware, can you tell us more about the title?”

“Well, mono no aware is a Japanese term and it is used to describe how transient things are and the word itself is the sadness that you feel about the awareness that nothing is ever permanent in this world we are in.”

“Unlike your previous books, this one was divided into three sections, is that right?”

“Yes, the book is divided into three parts which are about falling in love, breaking up, and letting go.”

“Another first, if I might say is that you wrote somewhat happy things, Junmyeon. Was it hard writing about them? The entire first section was about the joy of falling for someone and basking in love.”

“I wouldn’t say it was hard, but it was definitely challenging going out of my comfort zone. However, I had my story to tell so it was basically just that.”

“Would you read us the piece: Loving You?” Kyungsoo said, handing Junmyeon a copy of his book opened at a page containing the said piece.

“Loving You

Loving you is like swimming in a pool of water  
not knowing it leads to a never-ending ocean;  
endless, timeless, and vast enough  
to drown anything and anyone.

When I fell for you, I didn’t know I would fall this deep.”

_The first time Junmyeon realized he was in love with Sehun, that he was really neck deep in love with him was when they were on the beach. It was nighttime and they were lying next to each other._

_Have you ever loved someone that it feels like you are just bursting out at the seams? Like your heart is going to explode any moment and it will shower that person with love?_

_Junmyeon has never once felt like that before until Sehun._

_He never planned on falling in love like this but before he knew it, he was already caught in it._

_Junmyeon looked at the man sleeping next to him, those long and full eyelashes. Junmyeon found his fingers playing with them until Sehun woke up because of it._

_“Jun…what are you doing?”, Sehun said, his voice a little groggy with sleep._

_“Nothing, just staring at your beauty. I never noticed you have eyelashes so long, I bet all the girls you’ve dated before were jealous of it.”_

_“What are you even talking about?”, Sehun replied, confused at what is going on, sleep pulling him back._

_“Nothing, I just wanted to say I love you so much, Sehun.”_

_“I love you too, Jun, a lot more than you know.”, Sehun said before he kissed Junmyeon on the cheeks and fall right back to sleep._

_Sehun has always been sleepy, it’s his special power; he can fall asleep anywhere, anytime._

“Loving you is like sitting in the middle  
of the park amidst the pouring rain,  
I feel like I am being drenched in these emotions I have,  
something strong and so unexpected.

When I fell for you, I never thought I’d have emotions so wild.” 

_They were having a date in their favorite amusement park when Junmyeon had a sudden outburst of emotion. He didn’t mean to say the things he said, his mouth got the best of him. But was it really his fault that he got so jealous of that girl who was all over Sehun? Sehun was his and Junmyeon never really liked sharing._

_Sehun was trying to explain to him that he wasn’t interested in the girl one bit but Junmyeon, blinded by jealousy, ran away from Sehun, not listening to what Sehun was saying._

_“Junmyeon, wait, please.”, Sehun begged as he ran after his boyfriend._

_It was then that the heavy rain started pouring. After a few minutes, Sehun caught up to Junmyeon, thanks to his long legs and big strides. He grabbed Junmyeon by the wrist._

_“I didn’t even look at that girl, Junmyeon. I only have eyes for you.”_

_Junmyeon looked up to Sehun’s eyes and saw the sincerity in every word he said and believed him._

_The rain has both of them drenched and dripping but they didn’t care as they exchanged a warm kiss that lasted for what felt like forever._

_Maybe Junmyeon should get jealous more often if that would mean more out of the world kisses like this._

“Loving you is like finding a warm place  
in the middle of a very cold winter,  
so comforting, so soothing,  
something short of a miracle.

When I fell for you, I would have never imagined you’d feel the same way.”

_It was winter; one of the few seasons that Junmyeon hated. Don’t get him wrong, the snow was the best and he loved making snowmen and snow bunnies but there was something so gloomy about the season that affected him._

_“Here, Jun, drink some.”, Sehun said, handing him a cup of hot chocolate._

_Junmyeon tasted some and it instantly lifted his mood._

_“I love you, Se.”, Junmyeon said, putting the cup down on the table and landing a peck on Sehun’s lips before he snuggled up to him._

_Sehun responded by pulling Junmyeon in a tighter hug before kissing the top of his hair._

_“I love you too, Jun, a lot more than you know.”_

_Maybe it was the hot chocolate or Sehun being next to him but if he can spend the rest of winter just wrapped up and cuddling Sehun, maybe it wasn’t so bad after all, work be damned._

“Loving you is like drinking a cold glass of water  
in the middle of the scorching summer heat,  
you quench my thirst, you hydrate me,  
give me everything I have ever wanted.

When I fell for you, I never thought it would feel like this, you became the air I breathe,  
and I could never get enough of you.”

_When summer came around, Junmyeon and Sehun were just inseparable. They went everywhere together, even if it’s just the shower (which they did 3 times a day)._

_They traveled a lot, Paris, Germany, Italy, Belgium, Monaco, Spain, Luxembourg, and Switzerland. They went to these countries in the span of two months; as if they were on honeymoon._

_It was probably the best summer of their lives; they ate chocolate, went to museums, planned day trips, and went to the beach during night time. It was like a dream._

_And for two months, Junmyeon did not write anything; there was nothing to write about; every day was just living in the moment._

“Loving you is like knowing what it feels like to be happy  
and wanting to bask in all its glory  
as if all I have ever known is to be sad,  
And yet you give me sunshine in your hands.

When I fell for you, I didn’t know you’d make me feel something I haven’t felt for so long.”

_Junmyeon has always asked himself about what happiness felt like?_

_Was it that feeling you get after you kiss the love of your life on the mouth and you kept wanting more?_

_Was it that satisfaction after eating your favorite brand of chocolate after a long tiring day?_

_Was it the rush of emotions after you finished writing something that you have always wanted to get out of your system?_

_But one morning, he woke up and realized the answer; happiness is waking up to the face of your beloved and knowing that he’s the one for you._

“Loving you feels so refreshing, like spring,  
when the flower blooms again after a long winter,  
you give me life in the way  
no one else ever has.

Thank you for letting me love you and making me feel like a giddy teenager who has never fallen in love before.

I love loving you.”

_“I love you too, Jun, a lot more than you know.”_

_Sehun has always told Junmyeon that he loved him more than Junmyeon knows. But Junmyeon wonders if Sehun knew how much Junmyeon loved him. Because Junmyeon loved him so vastly, he loved him with more than all of his being and he has never fallen for anyone like that._

_Junmyeon’s love for Sehun goes far beyond those three words; and Junmyeon hopes that Sehun felt it; the enormity and the sincerity of his love. Junmyeon wants nothing else but that._

_“Will you stay with me for the rest of our lives, Se?”, Junmyeon suddenly asked, not knowing where it came from._

_“I--”_

“That was beautiful, Junmyeon. Can you tell us what inspired this poem?”, Kyungsoo asked, waking Junmyeon up from his trance.

“It was just a compilation of some of the happy memories I once had; the joy of falling in love with someone. I thought a lot of readers would be able to relate to it.”

“That was really refreshing, but you said you don’t like talking about happy moments, what made you change your mind about this book?”

“Let’s just say I wanted to immortalize the love I shared with someone special.”

“So, it was based on a personal experience?”

“Yes, it was.”

“Would you have anything to say to the person that you dedicate the piece to?”

“No, I think I’ve said everything within the book.”

“You mean….not just this piece but everything is dedicated to one person?”

“Yes. Every single piece in the book.”

“That’s incredible, that person is so lucky.”

“It was me who was lucky to have someone to dedicate my pieces to. Can we move to the next question?”

Kyungsoo sensed how tense Junmyeon was becoming so he decided not to pry further.

“I selected a piece from the second part which as you said before was about breaking up. The pain in this one was something I felt as if it was happening to me and I’m perfectly happy with my marriage. The impact was astounding; would you read Inevitable for us?”

Junmyeon nods before reading it.

“Inevitable

We were just two souls, wandering on this land we call earth,  
placed in completely different paths until our roads crossed.

You were my once in a lifetime,  
a dream come true,  
because there was everyone else,  
and then there was you.”

_The very first-time Junmyeon met Sehun was at his best friend Jongdae’s wedding. Junmyeon was the best man and Sehun was Minseok’s best man. They were basically the best friends of the grooms to be wedded._

_Junmyeon has seen him before, Sehun was a pretty popular singer. There was something raspy about his voice that captures the audience and of course, it didn’t hurt that he was handsome too. When Junmyeon saw him, it crossed his mind that Sehun looked far prettier in person._

_“Hey, I’m Sehun, Minseok’s best friend. You are?”, Sehun said, introducing himself and offering a hand._

_Junmyeon took this gesture and shook his hand._

_“I’m Junmyeon, Jongdae’s best friend. It’s nice to meet you.”_

_“They’re so in love, aren’t they?”_

_“Yes, they are.”_

_“Are you?”_

_“Excuse me?”_

_“Ah, was that too vague? I was asking if you have a boyfriend, Junmyeon.”_

_Junmyeon’s was baffled. Was this handsome person really asking him out flatly just like that?_

_“Ah, no.”_

_“I see, would you care to get to know me then?”_

_“What? Are you saying you’re interested in me?”_

_“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. I just feel like we’d hit it off, don’t you feel it too?”, Sehun said and gave him a blinding smile._

_Junmyeon would be lying if he said he didn’t because there was that tingling sensation at the back of his neck._

_“I do. I mean, sure, we can go on a few dates and see?”_

_“Wonderful, here, put your number and I’ll call you up.”, Sehun said, handing Junmyeon his cellphone._

_A few months later, as Junmyeon was sitting on the sofa with Sehun right beside him, he chuckled at the memory, it has always been so easy for them. Everything just fell right into place since the first moment they met._

“I can’t even dare to compare,  
the bond that you and I shared,  
there was no one else like you  
what else were we left to do?

I was your destination,  
your endpoint,  
you said no one else mattered  
until I came into your life.

We met by luck, a pure coincidence, a stroke of fate,  
or maybe it was destiny, but we met, you and me.”

_Have you ever felt that the happier you get, the worse the sadness will strike you when you least expect it to?_

_Junmyeon has always been a firm believer in Newton’s Third law of motion which states: for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction._

_Maybe that’s why he cried when he opened the door and saw red rose petals were making a path on the floor. Junmyeon has always felt things 10 times more than others; he is that sensitive and maybe that’s a good thing for a writer. The first thing that crossed his mind is that Sehun remembered that he loved red roses._

_At the end of the path; the door opening to their bedroom, there were red rose petals in the shape of a heart on the bed. And on the wall, it was written in bright bold letters, the words he never thought he’d see: Will You Marry Me?_

_His right hand automatically covered his mouth at this; he couldn’t believe what was in front of him. This was just too much; everything too perfect and just when the tears were about to fall harder; Sehun came out dressed in the most beautiful suit he has ever seen._

_“Jun, we’ve been together for three years now and today, on our anniversary, I realized there is no one else I would rather spend the rest of my days with. I am not good with words at least not as great as you are but I do have things I want to say and I’ll say it the only way I know how; through a song. Would you listen?”_

_Junmyeon can only nod at this._

_“Do you remember  
us standing in front of the Eiffel tower?_

_Do you remember  
the way you kissed me and agreed to be together?_

_Do you remember  
every happy moment we’ve shared with each other?_

_Because I’ll never forget,  
every word you said._

_Because I’ll never forget,  
the way your hands fit mine._

_Because I’ll never forget,  
the way you made me feel._

_And I just want to tell you,  
this love I have is real._

_Junmyeon, in the years that we were together, you have been my safe space, my solace in the world filled with chaos, you are my constant. I want to ask you if you would stay that person for me for the rest of our lives. Let me be the shoulder you can cry on when you feel like your whole world is falling apart, let me be the one you share your happiest moments with, let me be your fort when the rain won’t stop. I promise you, I will be there when the rest of the world walks out. Will you let me be your person, Junmyeon?”, Sehun said and pulled out a box from his pocket, knelt on the ground._

_When the box opened, Junmyeon saw the ring and gasped. It was beautiful. It was perfect and it was simple. It was something he’d definitely wear and Sehun knew that and used it to his advantage._

_“You’re so silly, Sehun. You don’t even have to ask that question because the answer has been yes since day one. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. The answer is always yes.”_

_They shared a passionate kiss before Sehun inserted the ring on Junmyeon’s promise finger._

“It turned out, as much as it was inevitable for us to fall in love,  
it was also inevitable for us to fall apart,  
because when we said that we’d last forever,  
it turned out we were fooling ourselves and each other.

The ending was the hardest,  
I’m not gonna lie,  
it still keeps me up all night,  
replaying the day you planned to meet me to say goodbye.”

_The year when Sehun toured to different cities and countries was the hardest time of their relationship. Junmyeon would never forget all the late-night calls, the fights, the exchange of words, and everything else. It was harsh on both of them and eventually, the inevitable came._

_What hurt the most was that Junmyeon never saw it coming. He has given everything to Sehun. Sehun had his full trust and to someone like Junmyeon to whom trusting anyone has never been easy, that meant the whole world._

_But who would have thought that Sehun would break that trust?_

_What hurts the most was Junmyeon had to know from someone else first._

_It was midnight in Seoul when Junmyeon got the call from his best friend’s husband, Minseok._

_“Junmyeon? I’m so sorry to break it to you but Sehun, you need to see him. He’s in UCLA Medical Center.”_

_Junmyeon panicked._

_“Is Sehun okay? What happened?”_

_“I’m so sorry, the signal is bad but you have to get here, okay? You should see it yourself.”_

_The last time Sehun called was a few hours before when he told Junmyeon that he’d come home in a few days and he had something to say._

“That was something, Junmyeon. Is there something behind this piece?”

“It was about two people meeting each other, thinking they were destined for each other because everything worked out from the very beginning; but the truth was they were only meant to pass by each other’s life; they were never really for each other.”

“That’s really sad. What is your point of view on destiny when it comes to relationships?”

“I think there is nothing set in stone because people have the power to change their destiny. However, in a relationship, I still believe that honesty is the most important thing. If you have something to say to your partner, I think you should say it as soon as you can and not wait too long because the longer you wait, the more it will hurt them.”

“Do you believe that some people are just meant to be together?”

“I used to.”

“What made you change your mind?”

“Just some things.”, Junmyeon said, a forced smile on his face.

“Thank you for answering, Junmyeon. There was something else that caught my attention so instead of going to the third part, let me skip and ask about it. There was this piece that you wrote on the last page that you said and I quote, “the piece that started all of this”. Would you mind reading “The Future” for us?”

“The Future

Someday, you will be in another’s arms,   
And I would be just another memory,   
You'd be halfway across the ocean,   
And you'd have already forgotten me. 

I will be staring out the window  
of my hotel room somewhere,   
Thinking about you, your eyes, your lips,   
And every moment we shared.”

Junmyeon’s mind started to wander, if Sehun had been here and he was asked, will he still remember Junmyeon? Because Junmyeon has not forgotten him one bit. Every part of him, his rich brown eyes, those long and thick eyelashes, that small red lips, his nose, and those furrowed eyebrows, how can Junmyeon ever forget when he loved Sehun with all of him, maybe even more.

Will Junmyeon ever get over the fact that Sehun was no longer with him?

“And I bet that even then, I will still hear,   
that laughter of yours that I hold dear,   
I don't think it will ever escape my mind,   
how you said you'd never leave me behind.

But life goes on and people move on,   
the times we spent together, suddenly gone,   
and I don't wanna be just a place holder,   
until you meet the person you want to build a life together.”

Junmyeon can still hear that cute laughter that only Oh Sehun has. He remembered how he would be the only one laughing at Junmyeon’s jokes that even Jongdae would not laugh at. Sehun has always been like that; he has always made Junmyeon feel special.

Junmyeon’s mind went back to the day that Sehun asked him to marry him, what was that? Was that all a dream or something that his mind invented? Was that even real, did it really happen?

“I wanna be the one who sleeps next to you at night,  
I want my face to be the one you wake up to in the mornings,   
your last kiss for the day,  
and your Sunday movie date. 

I want to spend more time with you,  
even though I know it's hard,   
I want to beat all the odds,   
and give this love all I have. 

Because I don't think I can bear,   
knowing you're sleeping on the other side of the world,   
On your bed with a smile on your face,   
but I'm no longer there.”

“That piece is just too strong, Junmyeon, can you tell us more about your insights on this one?”

“There are some things in life that you just have to accept, even when you don’t want to. Sometimes, it can be that you have to give up on your dream because you’re just not cut out for it, and sometimes, it is accepting that the person you thought you’d spend forever with is now with someone else. Because sometimes, they are your happy ending, but you’re just not theirs.”

“Wow. That was really…”

Kyungsoo’s phone rang.

“Excuse me, I need to answer this.”

Junmyeon nodded and was left to his thoughts.

_When Junmyeon arrived in the hospital, Sehun was badly injured. Junmyeon could not bear to see him like that and begged the doctors to save him._

_As he was waiting outside the operating room, he saw Minseok._

_“Min, what happened?”_

_“I think it’s best that you talk to him about it.”_

_“Fuck it, Minseok, tell me. I need to know.”_

_“Jun, he…”_

_“What!?”_

_“He was with someone else when he got into the accident.”_

_“Someone else? Who? The last time we talked, he just told me he had something to say to me. What is this all about?”_

_“It was his ex.”_

_“His ex? Which one? Elisa? Minju?”_

_“No, not those girls. Jongin.”_

_“Jongin? Who the heck is Jongin?”_

_“His ex before you.”_

_“How come he never told me about him?”_

_“This is why I said you should talk to him about this.”_

_“I’m sorry, Min.”_

_“It’s okay, Jun. I understand. Let’s just wait ‘til the worst is over.”_

“I’m so sorry about the interruption, let’s continue.”

“It’s okay, Kyungsoo.”

“Let me just ask you two more questions; who do you dedicate this book to and what do you want to say to your readers?”

“I dedicate this book to the one person I have loved more than anyone in this lifetime. I hope you are at peace now. I have forgiven you, Se. And to my readers, I hope that everyone liked the book and you found a piece that you can connect to. I wish nothing but happiness to everyone and that you find the love that you deserve.”

“Thank you for today, Junmyeon. It was wonderful to hear out your thoughts.”

“Ah, thank you too, Kyungsoo. I had fun today.”

“You can call me anytime if you just want someone to talk to, Junmyeon.”

“That sounds great, maybe we can grab a drink sometime.”

===><===

Later that week, Junmyeon went to the place he never thought he’d ever go back to. The interview made him remember everything; both the good and the bad. He told himself that he will bury the memories together with the book but of course, that was impossible.

Sehun had become the biggest part of his life, Junmyeon was a fool to think that he would ever really forget him.

Before he knew it, he was back on that night.

_“What do you mean you couldn’t do anything? Bring him back! Save him! Why don’t you do your jobs better? I can’t lose him, no.”_

_“Jun…”, Minseok muttered, pulling Junmyeon back as he berated the doctors._

_“We’re so sorry for your loss.”_

_Junmyeon let out a guttural cry as tears kept falling down his face. This couldn’t be happening, this is unfair. What the heck is this? Fuck destiny, fuck everyone, fuck everything._

_“Min, how could he do this to me? How can he leave me like this? Without any explanation.”_

_It was only a later that Junmyeon was given a somewhat plausible explanation for everything in the form of unsent texts._

_“Junmyeon, I didn’t tell you because I was a coward._

_I didn’t want to say it to you because I’m dumb and I don’t deserve your love and your kindness. You gave me the world and this is what I gave back but I couldn’t tell you. Jongin was my ex, the one before you but I never once told you about him because he was my…what do they call it? The one who got away._

_It felt like the whole world was against us so I gave him up, I decided to forget him and move on. Would you believe me now if I told you that I have long moved on before I met you? I fell in love with you the way I have never fallen for anyone else, the love was real, please believe me._

_But during the tour, I met him again and we reconnected._

_At first, I thought it was just a friendly reunion, that we would finally get the closure that we wanted because, well I ghosted him but he wasn’t mad at me when we met._

_But one thing led to the other and before I knew it, I found myself in the past, before I knew it, the love that I felt for him was back and I couldn’t tell you and break your heart._

_But when I come home after the tour, I will tell you everything and hopefully, you would understand._

_Actually, no, please hate me because I deserve that. You should hate me and slap me or punch me. Just, let out your anger at me because I am an idiot. I didn’t want to hurt you but my heart decided to fuck everything up. I’m so sorry.”_

_Junmyeon didn’t know how to feel then, he didn’t know whether to feel mad at Sehun for the cheating behind his back or to forgive him because he’s no longer in this world. He died together with the love of his life._

“It turned out that poem was quite predictive, I was writing about the future, wasn’t I, Se? I was really just a placeholder and you were still in love with your ex, whom I knew nothing about.”, Junmyeon said, talking to the grave in front of him.

“You’re the luckiest, Jongin, you died with the person you love. I hope both of you are happy now, wherever you may be.”, Junmyeon said, looking at the grave next to Sehun’s.

“It took me a long time, but I forgive you, Sehun.”

Junmyeon looked up at the sky and let the tears fall on his face before wiping them and smiling a sad smile.

“I love you and now, I am letting you go. I think it’s time I move on and find my happiness too.”

**Author's Note:**

> All of the poems in this story are original and written by me.


End file.
